I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
