even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
