she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
