Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
