so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
