I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
