Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
