there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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