I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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