get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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