Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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