I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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