Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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