did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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