Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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