i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
