So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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