If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
