his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
