The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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