I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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