Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
