Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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