he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
