you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
