my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
