Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
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