Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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