only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
