I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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