thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
