So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
