I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
