i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
