dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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