One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
