So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
