so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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