My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
