There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
