I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
