listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
