Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
