I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
