you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
