i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
