After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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