Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
