nut hugger
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
