I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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