I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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