But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
