Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
